My Dearest Son,
Sometimes I have a hard time saying things. Words escape me in times of intense emotion. This is why I became a writer.
That’s why, when I saw these words you wrote to grandma, I recognized you were asking for help in the only way I’ve ever known how.
So today, I am writing you a letter to say the things that I cannot say – and the things that you cannot yet understand. I’m writing to say I am sorry.
I’m sorry the world is so difficult to navigate for you. I wish that I could go ahead of you and craft a map. I try, but I cannot always be there.
I’m sorry it’s so hard for you to make friends. My heart aches to see you rejected. I will always be your best friend.
I know how it feels to live with anxiety, and to fear imperfection. I’m sorry that I could not spare you these feelings.
I’m sorry you are sometimes compelled to do things that put you and others at risk. I know that you don’t know why you do those things, and I know you wish you could stop.
I’m sorry that you are often sad, scared, and angry. I am sad scared and angry too.
I’m sorry I cannot take this from you, to allow you to simply be a child.
You are our greatest gift and accomplishment. You are Everybody’s Boy and you are a perfect you. Not once have Daddy and I ever felt sorry that you were our child.
I’m sorry we haven’t found a way to make it better yet, but I promise we will.
Love,
Mommy
