I’m pretty sure that what keeps you coming back to my blog has nothing to do with my witty and insightful (or even mildly humorous) posts. I expect it has a lot more to do with my annoyingly sporadic blogging habits (owed in part to a vow to never blog while PMSing again) and inability to figure out how to create an RSS Feed (except for you, Mom, I know you keep coming back because you are obliged to believe that I’m generally awesome – and that you probably don’t know what an RSS Feed is anyway).
Today is your (un)lucky day everyone! I’m taking a break from all that other crap my very important worldly obligations, to update you on the mundane details of life as of late. A brief break, however, because I actually do have a lot of pesky (unpaid) projects to get done. People can get all serious about deadlines and stuff. As if. It’s not like I’m a real employee or something. Pfft. Whatev.
So yesterday, I had an ethereal experience. I saw the end – of – like everything. The grim reaper was all like “Hey little girl, do you want to come for a ride on my dark horse and eat some Twizzler Pull and Peels?” And I was like, “Um, are they the cherry ones or the strawberry?” And he was like, “They only come in cherry dumbass.” And I’m all, “I know that Captain Obvious, I just wanted to see if YOU did. Of course, I don’t want to come with you – - – unless, I mean, you’ve got Peanut Butter Twix.” And then he grunted something about me not being worth his time and disappeared.
It was a close one.
Cause I was running a 5K (keep scrolling…I’ll wait…). See, I had this awesome idea that I could raise some money for the ARC of Orange and get some of this <erm> 30 lbs of “Holiday Weight” off at the same time. Except I didn’t take into account that 6 days a week I don’t even have time to brush my teeth hair before carting the boy to school, therapy, volunteering, grocery shopping, socializing, facebooking, playing Chuzzle on my iPod Touch, watching “19 Kids and Counting” and cleaning the house. I kept meaning to train but *insert inane and unreasonable excuse here*. That’s cool though. I mean, a 5K is nothing. I used to run/walk 2K to the gym in Mauritius, run the treadmill for 45 minutes and then run/walk 2K back home – uphill both ways – in the island humidity. That was only 5 1/2 years ago, so I’m good, right?
I knew about 1K in that I was in trouble. The 110 year old guy in front of me hadn’t broken his stride. His jacket was from the 2009 Boston Marathon. I wore mesh running shorts purchased the night before in a panic. It was 30ish degrees. Mesh shorts and fat thighs don’t go well together. Thank heavens it was so cold that my legs were frozen and I couldn’t tell I had such huge blisters until much later.
I stopped a few times to try and figure out my iPod. I had created a “running” list with all high energy songs (see, I had absolutely no free time to train) but I couldn’t get it to work. Finally I gave up and put it on shuffle.
I walked a lot. I only ran when I’d come up to a corner where people were there to cheer us on. “Go Tarheel jacket (that was me)!” I ran like freaking Rocky going around those corners. When we got to the spot where they handed us water cups as we went by I chugged it and threw my cup on the ground (it was AWESOME to litter) like a rock star. Around the 2 mile mark I was paced at a 12 minute mile. Not that that is anything to brag about, but I walked a lot. I wasn’t last. Close, but not last.
I slowed down about the time Old Grimmy and I had our life and death chat. I kind of thought about just hailing a cab, but then I realized I had to give that dumb chip back or pay 25 bucks so I kept it up. As I got closer to the end I heard the cheers. I walked until I rounded the corner and then put on my game face again.
I knew they’d be taking pictures towards the finish line so I slicked my hair back and stuck my iPod earphones back in. It was still on shuffle.
I reached the finish line at 38:39. That’s nothing to be proud about, I know. But I didn’t die and that rocks.
The song playing on my iPod at that exact moment?
R.E.M. Everybody Hurts
When your day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on
Don’t let yourself go, ’cause everybody cries n everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
If you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on
‘Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don’t throw your hand. Oh, no. Don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone